Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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