dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
