tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
