She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
