$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
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frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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