Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
