I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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