It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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