at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
