I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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