i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
