Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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