"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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