So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I met the friendliest cop last night
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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