I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
