I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.