I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
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There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.