i was born a porn star she said
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.