2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.