I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.