im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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