I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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