ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we made out on top of his cat.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
