also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
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Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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