fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think i got beer on your cat.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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