We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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