TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
