Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
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I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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