You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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