If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
