Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
