so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
