So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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