guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
