He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
