that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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