I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
