I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
