sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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