you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
