Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i came on her dog
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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