You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
