If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
