I didn't shave. On purpose
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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