you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
