So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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