Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
