i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
