Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
