The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
