my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I am naked and annoyed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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