...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
