i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
