Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
