Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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