I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
