Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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