but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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