a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
