I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
